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Seeing Old Friend

April 28th, 2008 (01:58 am)

Saw my old friend that I haven't seen in about two years.  He knows I am transgender- At least I am sure he knows I have mentioned it- whether he knows what I mean and understands what I have said... well that remains to be seen.

One thing I do know is that after spending the weekend hanging out with him "Guys being guys", I guess I see some differences in myself while also fully aware that I have tendencies, quirks, habits, or whatever that just won't change no matter what gender I feel I am.

I also know that not many in my family will accept, understand, or see me in very welcoming light if I came out fully to them as a MTF transgender person.

I think my situation becomes more tense and frightening the more I think about how few people have actually offered physical support.  I may end up very much alone in my situation with little or no support system.  I think as it stands, the friends I have told have basically stepped back- being unable to grasp that regardless of gender identity, I am still very much the same person inside as I have always been.  I am still their friend and still the same person- only differences I can admit are differences in how I want to express myself.

I am more afraid of how people will view me if I transition.  I am afraid of what people will do and how hard things will be if I try to transition.  Yet, the more afraid I am, the more I gradually feel that something isn't right and something needs to be done.

So what needs to be done?  I am still in the process of finding that out.


Posted by: TaraElla (taraxoxo)
Posted at: April 28th, 2008 01:16 pm (UTC)

You will find out more as you go along the way, some things will be surprisingly good, and others will be unexpectedly sad. But the important thing is that you get to be yourself again, and discover yourself like you just did today.

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