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gymnast_sara [userpic]


December 16th, 2008 (08:20 pm)

Well, 3 exams done, 1 more to go and so far I am feeling pretty psyched about how I did on them.  I am pretty sure my GPA will get a little boost this semester-- at least I am hoping so.

I am also looking forward to the holiday break because then I get to do a little travelling to Michigan to see my brother and to chill out.  I may also see my friend back from graduate school in the UK.  

As far as everything else is concerned, I am not all too happy with the direction the counselling is going here at Eastern.  Seems I am getting no real support from this end.  By now though, I am not surprised, just disappointed.  My own efforts to branch out and meet people in the transgender community has been mediocre and there's no candy coating it.  I have found it frustrating that I can seem to make any connections with others closeby.  I also find it frustrating that I am not secure enough to go out and meet people.  I don't know what I am afraid of, but there is that fear.  I also just know that when I do meet other MtF's, all I generally see is a man trying to be a woman... I just don't see enough female for me to let my guard down and relax.  It's the same when I look at myself in the mirror.  I don't see enough female to where I feel like I can present as such.  I can feel feminine on the inside, but the dominant male presentation is just frustrating me and totally undermining my own sense of who I am.  I see more and more disconnect between the person I see and the person I feel I am.

I recently joined some more online communities in Connecticut in hopes of making more connections and meeting people in the area.  Possibly I will find some networking opportunities and meet people with similar issues and so on.  That's about all I can do for now.