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Thoughts of the Day

April 21st, 2008 (09:54 pm)

More and more subtly I am warming up to being a girl.  There is a lot of fear though- mostly about transitioning and how people will react if they know I am transgender or see me present myself differently than what they have grown used to.

A part of me feels almost guilty for wanting to change.  But a good part of me feels it could be a good thing to at least try some things and see how they feel.  I would think that I would know right away if something doesn't feel natural to me or not.  And I am not talking surgery or hormone therapy- I am just talking about clothes and little things like that.

I probably wouldn't be as afraid if I knew that I could pass more fully as a female than male.
If people were to already see something in me that was much more feminine than masculine, it would help.

I am definitely feeling a bit intimidated by the idea of presenting myself to men as a girl.  I am not homosexual and have no interest in men whatsoever.  If by homosexual you would say lesbian- then yes, I would be a lesbian in that sense.

I would almost feel intimidated with the idea of not being feminine enough to pass among females.  I know some people could be very petty and vicious- I would not expect it, but know it could happen from all corners.  Women size and appraise each other up all the time- I've seen it and observed it so often.  It's like a psychological game they play.  I don't want games- I just want to be who I feel I am.

Comments

Posted by: TaraElla (taraxoxo)
Posted at: April 22nd, 2008 10:53 am (UTC)

It's good that you are realizing what you want to do. Just take things one step at a time and you will do well.

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